I think it's now time for me to stop being afraid of what everyone thinks of me and speak. It's quite funny how apropo this username is. I'm getting a new journal, and the people that I want to be added have been added, and that's the end of that story. It's not that I 'hate' everyone else or that I'm 'mad at' everyone else. It's not about being worthy or being in a clique like so many of you are fond of doing. It's not about being a 'mod' and thinking I'm above everyone else although that's what a bunch of you are going to think it's about because it's easier than thinking maybe you just got on my goddamn nerves.
First of all, I would be saying this and having the same feelings even if I wasn't a moderator of a community that I used to love desperately. It's fine now, but it's nothing like it used to be. I think a lot of people that have been in it since last summer know that. Don't think just because you've been in it for a couple of months, you know what I'm talking about. You don't. And stop, for once, trying to act like you do.
Why am I getting a new journal? Because I hate drama. That word has been played out and overused and moaned for about a month now, since this whole Jademyspacelaksjdglkasjg bullshit started. And, yeah, I did have the link first. And, yeah, I did see the pictures first. WHO FUCKING CARES?! I love how it was so mean of me not to share it in the community and how a bunch of you 'supported' me about that even though there were little comments in your journals or in the community about how it was greedy and it didn't matter and 'do you have permission from Jade to use those pictures?' coming from people who steal pictures from anyone on a daily basis. Ha. Fuck you. I don't CARE about the goddamn pictures. I don't care. If he didn't have pictures up, that would be fine, too. And for those of you who think it's okay to share the link to his account just because 'it's public, it's on the internet', well, let's consider some things here: he made his username, his age, and his location completely untrue. AKA- the things you use to search for him. So maybe he just wanted to have a place to talk to all of his friends. Read: FRIENDS. People he hangs out with on a regular basis, people he's known for a couple of years. His friends. And there isn't a fucking thing wrong with that. And just because I was given the link, just because all of a sudden EVERYONE found the link does not give ANY OF YOU a right to share it. It is not right. I don't care what you say to defend yourself, to justify this. You can talk about me all you want. I don't fucking care. Big change, right?
But it's not about that. I've put that behind me because I can't do anything about it. I can't change it. And that's fine. And you can think I'm as petty as you'd like, but this is my journal and I can say whatever the fuck I want. And I'm tired of sugar coating things and stroking your little egos and playing nice. When some of you found the link to the site, you couldn't have made it more blindingly obvious without coming out and saying it. I wish you knew how fucking annoyed that makes me. And I don't care if you don't care. Fuck you. Stop reading this then. Big fucking shit, you have the link to Hunter's myspace, too! Oh em gee! So do I! But you're COOLER and you're MORE SPECIAL because you talk about it in posts in secret talk, tee hee! Oh, fucking spare me. Stop trying so hard to 'fit in' and to 'get in the loop'. There isn't a fucking loop. I'm tired of little cliques. I graduated high school three years ago. I'm out of that bullshit. And you can whine and cry to your nearest safetynet friend about this, about how it was allll directed at you, about how mean I am, about how I'm wrong and I'm just being a bitch because I'm a moderator.
Let's talk about that.
I would be a bitch even if I WASN'T a moderator. It has nothing to do with the community. I, unlike SOME people, can seperate myself from that job. Business and personal, right? Exactly. So I'm not going to make decisions and say things in the community just because I like someone or don't like someone. Just because you are no longer on my friends list does not mean I'm going to ignore you in the community. And I was friends with Alexa WAY before I became a mod. She and Jess and I talked LONG before that. So this isn't just...mods joining up againt all the 'little people'. This is a livejournal community, not the fucking White House. Mygod. And I was made a mod to help out in the community. Because it needed help. If you think I've made bad decisions as a moderator, fine. But that's different than me in this journal. Because this is ME. Learn to seperate the two and stop referring to us as the 'big bad mods'. Waah.
Now Javey. I believe in Javey. I don't care about all the evidence you lay out in front of me, I don't care about all of your arguments, your little laughs "Oh, I don't believe in it, hahaha". I don't care. I do. You don't have to. Thaaat's fine. I'm not going to hate you for it. I just don't want to hear about it. Because it's a big part of my life. I don't care how sad you think that is. I really don't.
AFI: they are my life. Yes, Jessica and I get defensive and protective of things we write, things we create, things that were OUR IDEAS. We're writers. It's what we do. And you may think it's petty but you don't have a right to judge that because it's not yours. Even if it's just a word, a spelling of a word, an idea for an RP, whatever. You know where you got the idea from. You want me to be more specific? Okay. We're not even going to touch the word "Ja-de". That's over. But some people use words and use things that I say on a daily basis. And I know how stupid that sounds, but you try just being your own person and then one day have someone come along that is not one of your best friends and find that they steal your manner of speaking, your words. I HATE that feeling. Of being copied. It's highly unoriginal and childish. Again, cliques=high school. Me=NOT IN HIGH SCHOOL. Stop copying me. Stop stealing my words and my ideas. It's my mistake for sharing RPs so indiscriminately. But that's my mistake. Stop being my carbon copy. Be your own person. Don't be so fucking insecure. Grow up. Am I a bitch? Probably. Do I care? HA. I'm tired of caring. Go get one of your little friends to comfort you.
Sadly, this was not directed at the majority of you. If you read this and you weren't offended then it's because it wasn't meant for you. If you were only offended by the Jade myspace thing, I'm sorry. I'm going to be the bad guy with that forever. That's fine. And if it bothers you that much, and I kept you on my friends list on my new journal and you don't want to be on it, just lemme know. No worries.
I want a new journal where I can speak and not be afraid of offending people whose whims and thoughts change as often as your playlist. If you want people that play nice, go find them. There are plenty.
If you want a detailed list of my friends cut, just ask.
tantricmindfuck--my new username. I started using that word before it became a commodity, didn't I?